I finished writing my first step the other night. To be honest, when my sponser told me it was ready to start I had mixed emotions. On one hand I wondered how useful it could possibly be. That I was powerless before alcohol and my life had become unmanagable seemed increadibly self evident. On the other hand, starting the steps is big, big and fucking scary.
What I found out has been amazing. I had thought of myself as a high bottom drunk. As someone who was lucky enough to get away with most of my life in tact. In reality...the only reason that I didn't loose anything is that I had never built anything to loose. Things have been so bad for so long that I couldn't see my consequences...my life was my consequence.
The last month and a half has completely deconstructed all but a framework of my identity. What I'm left with is a deep sence of humility and gratitude, a deep sence of "52 days sober, well damn. What a miricle"